Today is April 27, 2014, and it marks exactly one
year since I last uttered a swear word. I’ve said some inappropriate things for
sure, and have used some euphemisms where people have said, “You may as well
just say the real one.” I disagree with that, the real one always sounds worse.
The good news is that my euphemism use is down too. What I’m trying to say is
that by no means do I think I’m super holy or spiritual, or great or anything
for not having sworn over the past year. There are a lot of things I’m always
going to be working on, but this is a big one for me, and I know plenty of
others who think they should, or otherwise would like to quit swearing. So, why
did I quit swearing, and how? Let’s begin with why I even swore in the first
place.
Why did I start swearing? I remember me and my
friend Jeff (or JeFF as I like to spell it), walking home from 9th
grade every day vowing we would never swear. We thought it sounded pretty nasty
coming from people in junior high. Turns out we were right. We hadn’t sworn up
to that point, and actually did pretty good for quite some time after that. For
me, it started with retelling a joke my junior year in high school…then it
snowballed. Anytime I got mad, or anytime I wanted to add “manly” emphasis on
something, I would use a swear word to do so. Eventually I wanted to serve a
mission for my church, and swearing started to leave my daily vocabulary. Only
a few times on my mission, out of supreme frustration did I swear. I didn’t need to swear, I just did.
Overall the mission went well with not swearing…then I got home.
It turns out your environment contributes a lot into the
type of person you are at the time. Where I was working it was completely
acceptable to swear. So why not join in. I didn’t chew tobacco or smoke with
any of the guys, but I swore right along with them…probably because it was “manlier”
and stuff to do so.
I’ve been married nearly 21 years, and have
struggled with swearing the entire time. Every once in a while I would go a
few months, even up to nine months one time without swearing. Then inevitably a
can of frozen orange juice would fall out of the freezer and land on my little
toe, or I would trip on something, or step on a Lego with my bare feet, or
discover my tire was flat and I was already running late, or something would
startle me, or something royally annoying at work would happen, or I would have
another shoulder surgery, or I would step in dog crap while mowing the lawn…and
on and on. Not to mention I have chronic back problems, and sometimes I just
wouldn’t care and unleash on the world.
Fast forward a little bit…my oldest son knew I
really didn’t want to swear anymore, and knew I had been trying hard not to. As
I said, the 27th of April, 2013 was the last time I swore, and two
days later on my birthday my son gave me a watch and a hand-written letter. The letter
indicated that each time I looked at the watch I was to realize that I can't swear when I have it on, that Kalin (my son) loves me, and that God loves me. I was touched and
determined not to swear anymore…or at least go a year without swearing, and
then kind of see how things went after that. So that’s where I am today. On a side note, I have about 25 watches or so, but I wear this one at least 5 days a week.
So, in addition to the letter and watch in the photo above, why did I quit swearing? What’s the problem with swearing? After all, it’s not like drug addiction, or pornography addiction, or spousal abuse. Where do I begin? There are so many reasons not to swear…here are some of them, in no particular order:
So, in addition to the letter and watch in the photo above, why did I quit swearing? What’s the problem with swearing? After all, it’s not like drug addiction, or pornography addiction, or spousal abuse. Where do I begin? There are so many reasons not to swear…here are some of them, in no particular order:
1) I
believe swearing is not a very Christian thing to do, and I claim to be
Christian. Here are just a few scriptures I feel back that up: James 1:26 – If any
man among you seem to be religious, and bridelth not his tongue, but deceiveth
not his heart, this man’s religion is in vain. James 3:6, 8, 10, 11 – (6) And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members,
that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and
it is set on fire of hell. (8) But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly
poison. (10) Out of the same mouth procedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren,
these things ought not so to be. (11) Doth a fountain send forth at the same
place sweet water and bitter?
2) It’s
pretty uncreative and immature, I really feel it’s a bit juvenile (see 1
Corinthians 13:11, my all-time favorite scripture).
3) It
sounds uneducated, even from the most educated and well-spoken people.
4) My
wife did not appreciate swearing in the home (or from me out of the home).
5) I
didn’t want my kids to pick up swearing, especially not from me.
6) Though
I thought it made things feel better because of its perceived venting nature,
it actually just opened the flood gates usually.
7) It
actually makes you sound weak (mentally), not strong.
8) And
while there are others, spiritual AND secular, I wanted to prove that self-mastery, or self-control is
actually possible. Whenever you control something that you’ve allowed to get
the best of you at times, it’s empowering.
How did I quit swearing? It sounds really easy…I quit swearing (that and I wore a reminder on my wrist almost daily). Turns out that
saying a swear word takes effort and thought usually. After a short time with not swearing, I
realized it took as much effort to swear as to not. Then after more time I
realized it didn’t take any effort, just thought, to not swear. Effective use
of pauses helped A LOT. Again, simple tools, it sounds so dumb. I just paused
and let the frustration pass by, and then if something still needed to be said
I chose more wisely on what would be said. I mentioned I try to be Christian,
that means I pray…and man did I pray for help to not swear. I believe that is
something the Lord wanted of me and therefore was willing to help me with along
the way. I'm not sure exactly how He helped me not to swear, but I know He did. And no, I wouldn’t be hell-bound if I didn’t stop swearing, I just felt it
would be better to do better.
What have I learned by not swearing? When you pause
before replying, whether you would have sworn or not, you tend to say far fewer
things that you regret. You learn the value and the structure of a decent and
proper response and/or dialogue. I've learned self-control is pretty cool, it's lead to other small victories for me.
People ask me, “What about farmers who swear…you
know, standard ranch words?” Or, “I know plenty of good people who swear, so
why are you making a deal of it?” Everyone has to decide for themselves, and
for me, swearing is lame. I hear it plenty, and I even work in a very educated
setting. I suggest if you think swearing is becoming, mature, proper,
impressive, etc., then go ahead and conform to society…you will blend right in
like I did. I submit it’s none of the above. Sure some words are pretty
harmless, and no doubt I may swear again, after all I do hang Christmas lights
each year, I sunburn easily, my back still hurts all the time, etc., but I am
going to try my best to keep the streak going. There is just no need for
swearing, I’ve proven that over the past year. You don't HAVE to swear...for some reason we choose to. Stop it.
In the end, my biggest movitvator was that my wife and kids didn't want to hear it, didn't need to hear it, and shouldn't have to hear it. I love them, so I quit swearing.
In the end, my biggest movitvator was that my wife and kids didn't want to hear it, didn't need to hear it, and shouldn't have to hear it. I love them, so I quit swearing.
The End
SNAPP
