SNAPP’S TOP (not necessarily) 25 points to consider as a father and husband...

I’ve seen a lot of parenting blogs, a lot of lists, and I have always had my own list in my head. In fact, my publisher wanted me to write a book that includes some of this, and actually the book is basically written, but I may never choose to publish it…I have my reasons for not wanting to. At any rate, here is some of the content, in raw and random form, from the book:

 SNAPP’S top (again, not necessarily the top) 25 points to consider as a father and husband

1)   It’s OK not to swear…swearing doesn’t make you a real man, and not swearing doesn’t make you less of a man.

2)  The whole “Alpha Male” thing is really overrated…you don’t always have to be the lead dog, sometimes you can shut it up and let others lead and speak. You may even learn something.

3)   Actually, you don’t have to spank your kids. Spanking doesn’t = discipline. Spanking = inflicting pain and fear, which is the least creative and least effective way to discipline. (Yes, I've spanked my kids before. Yes, I regret it).

4)  Best part about being married? Falling asleep while holding my wife’s hand. It's actually her saying, but I agree!

5)   There is nothing cooler than being a dad, period.

6)   You don’t HAVE to fight about anything with your spouse. Nothing requires a fight.

7)   Encourage your kids to play a sport, play an instrument, and learn a foreign language.

8)   Your kids should see you kiss your wife on the lips and cuddle with her on the couch.

9)   Make your kids laugh every single day…it may not happen anywhere else for them.

10) Teach your kids they don’t have to take crap from anyone, but be sure they understand principles of sound judgment so they can determine what’s crap and what’s life.

11)  Always giving into your kids is not always loving them.

12)  Road trip, road trip, road trip…with music blaring and voices singing!

13) Teach your kids the concepts of humility and respect; the best way  to do this is by showing/giving both to their mother.

14) Even if the world tells them God doesn’t exist, share with them why you believe He does, while respecting those who still won’t or don’t believe.

15) Tell them, more than once every day, that you love them.

16) Hug your kids…yes, even your sons. Or especially your sons so they will too...

17) What are they (spouse and/or kids) passionate about? Find out and encourage it. Let them dance, sing, wrestle…whatever, even if it gives you a friggin’ headache.

18) Since your kids will all play a sport (there is a reason for this), be sure to coach each of your childrens' teams at some point in their little league careers.

19) Let them know your expectations (homework, chores, etc.) and follow up with them.

20) It’s not the end of the world if they scratch your car…

21) Pray WITH and FOR your family.

22) Spend quality one on one time with each of them. It is possible.

23) Let your kids take responsibility for their mistakes and procrastination…don’t bail  them out on everything.

24) Limit television watching…for the most part it’s the biggest time waster known to man.

25) GO OUTSIDE WITH YOUR FAMILY. Get your hands and feet dirty; get wet; get a sunburn; get stung by a bee;  sleep in a tent; get blisters from hiking; swallow salt water; come home smelling like a campfire...

I have a couple hundred more…but it only takes a few to make a difference to your family.

The End

SNAPP

In doing my small part in trying to cause a paradigm shift, I've always said the father needs to do all he can to be more involved with the pregnency and childbirth. I've copied this from an Evisors e-mail I received. It gets to the point very well:

85% of new fathers in the U.S. take paternity leave but...

Up to 15% of U.S. firms now offer paid leave to men after the birth of their child. Yahoo offers 8 weeks off at full pay, Bank of America offers 12 weeks, and Ernst & Young gives 6 weeks. While the number of firms offering leave is encouraging, most men are still reluctant to take it. While 85% take some time off, the vast majority only take 1 or 2 weeks off. The main reasons men don't take more leave are fear of losing status at work and lingering stereotypes about a father's role in the family according to a survey from Society for Human Resource Management. The same survey documented long-term benefits of dads staying home after child birth, but until there's more social acceptance and encouragement, most men said they wouldn't take more than the typical 1-2 weeks. One thing that might help is senior executives taking such a leave themselves. Another study by search firm Korn/Ferry found that while 75% of male executives believed paternity leave is an important retention tool, only 15% reported taking such leave themselves. Today's stat is based on an excerpt from "Why Dads Don't Take Paternity Leave" from The Wall Street Journal.

So, the man should feel just fine about taking the time off. It is good in so many ways! I do know of some who take the time off and go golfing...nope, not the purpose. We need to crush the stereotypes.

SNAPP

Book signing

Got it confirmed, after the interview tomorrow I will be at Eborn Books, 254 South Main, in SLC, to sign books if interested. That will start at 6:00 p.m. and end by 8:00. If you are in the area stop by and say howdy!

interview and possible book signing

Nick Galieti, of "The Good Word" , part of Radio Gold Productions, will be interviewing me tomorrow about my book. It's going to be fun and give me another oppportunity to promote, yes my book, but also the idea of how important the husband's role is during pregnancy. There may be a book signing after the interview at Eborn Books in SLC at 6:00, but won't know for sure on that until later today.

Is it REALLY a big deal?

We reminded our oldest daughter a number times yesterday morning to not forget her lunch when she left for school. A number of times she has fogotten her lunch and one of us has driven to her school to give it to her. Yesterday there was no way we could do that and we let her know that. We reminded her two or three times. Yep...she went to school without her lunch. Options: 1) Let her figure out how to get a lunch at school...we reminded her several times. 2) Don't worry about it at all...it's her fault. 3) Text her, lay into her for forgetting it again and then drop what you're doing and take it to her, even though you really can't. 4) Text her and let her know you will bring it to the office, that you love her and hope she has a good day. I did number 4. I am NOT bragging, I am just happy that I did take a moment, and while I was frustrated and ended up being late for work, she knew I loved her and was willing to do it if I could. She felt "stupid" and bad that she forgot it again...I didn't have to add to that. No, I did not feel the need to teach her a lesson. I felt the need to let her know I loved her and that all she did was forget her lunch. So no, it is NOT a REALLY big deal. I think sometimes we make little things into really big deals. I do, and just glad I didn't yesterday. SNAPP

Your wife and kids have passions too...

A lot times we (men) get caught up in the pursuit of our career, which may or may not also be the pursuit of our passions. If it's not, we're usually pretty darn sure to do something we are passionate about so life isn't all work. Good! We should do that. However, all too often that comes at the expense of anyone else in the family getting to do the same, or being there so support them in their pursuits. Balance in ANYTHING is really hard to achieve, but this one is important and should constantly be pursued. Sometimes that means as a husband and a father that you have to sacrifice your wants to accommodate those of your family. That's okay, that's partly what you signed up for when you decided on this whole marriage and family thing. For me, while I do take some time for myself, there is nothing more rewarding, nor more passionate about, than my oldest son burning down the track in the 100 meters; listening to my oldest daughter sing like there is no tomorrow; watching my 10-year-old son break a tackle and pick up another 15 yards; watching my 8-year-old son take on all comers in soccer even though they are all twice his size; watching my 6-year-old daugther at her ballet class; and wathching my wife choreograph a new dance for her high school students she teaches. Saturday morning I will be at a chess tournament watching my two youngest sons compete. I don't care for chess. Actually I can't stand it and I really detest chess tournaments...they somehow never end. There are things I could be doing Saturday morning, but I feel better about being there telling them, "good job" becuase they either won or lost with grace. Whatever I need to do Saturday can wait a little bit. This has been a Public Service Announcement desinged to be a reminder for me, myself, and I. SNAPP

All your wife and kids ask for is that you be faithfull and do what a father and husband are supposed to do. And honestly, while it's tough sometimes, keep in mind it's not supposed to be easy. You promised you would at some point, so keep your word. This link takes you to a great video that sums it up best (you will need to copy and paste the url in your browser...dang link tool is not working correctly): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5FxdCgD-qI